I have really been struggling with discouragement. The older I get, the harder it is to believe that anything is possible. I have read my Bible. I know what the Word says. I watch the news and hear the miraculous stories that are out there. I am not truly certain, but there must be a thousand sad endings for every miracle.
Now I need to ask myself, “Does it seem like there are no happy images because that is what evil wants us to believe, or are there really so few wonders left in the world?” I choose to believe that is the lie on TV. I want to know that all things are possible through Christ. I want to believe that no matter the hardship, there is a purpose in it all.
In honor of the possibilities, here is my flying pig.
The last week has shown me how easy it is to lose confidence in myself. There are a few circumstances in my life, that have really made me feel vulnerable. Sometimes I feel almost paralyzed with fear. This week one of my kids had a serious lapse in good judgement that left me helpless. I have been extremely tense this week with fear. I know that God will always be there for me, but I haven’t been able to remember it when fear felt like a straight jacket wrapped around me.
I also started a class this week with Katie Kendrick. She is utterly amazing! I have never seen anyone make art look so effortless. I know that my skill level is not as good as many of the other students, which is adding to my fear of inadequacy. Here are two of the paintings I have made in the class so far.
I like this one. I think it really captures my feelings this week.
And this one fell short of my aspirations. It reminds me of a puppet in drag, not quite the look I aimed for.
I am not all I wish for. I have so much to learn and do. I know that if I just practice more and trust God, I will become the person he wants me to become. Some days I just wish it was easier.
The last few days were ransacked with a cold. I haven’t done much, and I have been poor company. The good thing is I have managed to read a lot, though one might argue that the novels I read don’t really constitute fine literature of any sort. In fact, it is rather difficult to concentrate on what I am reading when I feel as though I have cotton stuffed into my head.
I have had fine company. I have a very old dachshund named Ricky. He hasn’t left my side in two days. He just stands and barks at me until he has a lap. Here is a picture of Ricky passed out on top of the kleenex box next to me on the couch.
There is always one way to know that I am sick; I cook. Yesterday I made chicken. It was clearly edible. (Note: I didn’t say that I cooked well.) Today, I baked a caramel apple bundt cake. It was pretty good. It even got my daughter’s stamp of approval. (The chicken didn’t.)
Have a great day! Try not to catch my cold.